Mary and I has been trying for a child for the past 3 years. We have done all procedure from SO-IUI to Traditional Chinese Medicine. We choose not to undergo IVF (test-tube) as we felt that we might face moral dilemma and it hurt our conscience. As much as we are tempted, we pray and trusted the God knows what is good for us. In 2006 September, we found out that Mary was pregnant. However, this joy was short-live – In December that same year, after going through many checks with the gynecology, it was noted that the fetus was not having a heartbeat at week 9. At week 11, it was confirmed that Mary has a miscarriage, and it was a struggle to remove the fetus out from Mary. During the period, both of us where heartbroken. Mary cried every night and as for me, I am also unable to hold my tears. As much as we are heartbroken, we know deep inside us that God has plan for us. Plans that we could not see nor understand. The only thing that keep us together and uphold one another is the constant reminder that our God is good and he cares for us. “Why God? Why this is so? What exact plan you have for us?” were some of the questions we do ask when we get discourage and weary.
After 3 months after the miscarriage. we continue to go for various fertility treatment. In the midst of the treatment, we are also exploring the area of adoption. Both me and Mary have talked on many occasion on the possibility of adoption. Both of us felt that we are capable of carrying a non-biological child as our own. In that year, we have spoken to adoptees parents, read books on adoption and attended workshops. We try to understand the motivation and struggles that parent have, and see if there is any circumstances that might cause a concern to us. By talking to the respective parents, it help us to build up our motivation and understanding on adoption. It help us prepare the challanges that we might face with an adopted child.
In 2007 December, when the Doctor told us that we should stop trying, we were sadden . We felt that we should stop trying as it put us tremendous emotion stress, month after month. We prayed and decided that we should pursue the path of adoption. We spoke to our parents on the matter. However, we stop short of proceeding with the adoption when we felt that my mom is not ready for it. After all, we are living with mom and her readiness for this is also important for us.
We decided to give one last try to alternate treatment – Chinese Medicine, who many claims that the doctor is very good and has high percentage of success. We thought that this will be good to put all things to rest with our family and friend who has constantly encourage us not to give up (not knowing that we are really tired & emotionally drained). We also hope to give assurance to my mother that we have really tried all we could to concieve. However on choosing this path, we are very concious on the motivation and approach we have taken. Following are some of the question we asked ourselves, which we have to resolved before we proceed with proceed with this:
- What happen if Mary Conceived? Who do we place the trust with – God or “Miricle” Doctor?
- What will be our response if Mary conceived?
- How would non-believer respond if Mary would to conceived?
- Can we still share the gospel to our friends, sharing with them God goodness and sovereign plan?
Having to boil bitter herbs, bee hives, roots, tree bark, centipedes and drinking them in the morning and evening has been a real discipline for us. Beside that, we must have very controlled in our diet. Practically, Mary is unable to have any carbohardate intake.
After4 months of treatment, we hear the inevitable news, the treatment is of no success to Mary and we were advised to stop trying.
what’s next… Shall we go back to adoption? After praying, contemplating and talking with our family and friends, we decided we should go ahead with it.
We have out first home study interview with Touch ministry in November 2008. As much we we hope for a child, we know and understand the difficulty of getting a child. Though we could accept a child of different race, we felt that we have to be sensitive to our family and adopt a chinese child instead. However, we have talked to many agencies and learnt that adoption fo chinese baby is very rare in Singapore and it takes 4 years for a baby from China. Our Counsellor personally told us not too bother waiting and hoping for a adoption case to be done in Singapore as the chances are very slim. We should be looking at other countries as a source of adoption. Over the course of interrection, we know that we have to save at least $30,000 – $35,000 to adopt a foreign chinese baby. I am trying not to go the easy way out by approaching an agency to help find a family to give up their child for a sum of money (a common practise with Malaysia & Indonesia baby). Deep in my concience, I felt that if I had not pay for it, the child might not be given up for adoption and he might be still be with the family. We always wanted this desire of ours to be a ministry as well. As much as the child bring joy to us, we hope that we could be good parent and minister to a child who nobody really wants…. With all the consideration, we know that this is going to be another long long journey. We felt the journey was so close but yet so far. It was discouraging and Mary who longs for a child, has prepared herself to wait for a year or 2 before we could find an adopted child.
On 15th December 2008, Monday is the point where we have a hope of having a child of our own! We received a call from the social worker, telling us that she has a case of an mother who is unable to keep her unborn child and wanted to put him up for adoption. The child is due in 3 weeks. Social worker asked us if we are interested so that she can put us up as one of the candidate for the family to select. Without hesitation we said “yes!” to it. Though not putting too much expectation, given that it is still subjected to the family’s decision, we saw a little glimpse of hope that we might be an adoptive parent.
Next day, we received the long awaited call – we have been selected as the adoptive parent! We are thrill with joy with that news. Our excitement turns to nervousness when the social worker told us that the baby head is facing downwards in the birth canal. He could be out within the next few days!! We are looking at less then 2 weeks of preparation time for the baby! We thought that the worst case scenario is that the baby may be out during our Vietnam trip, which we planned 4 months ago. However, we were taking in by surprise, when the baby was delivered on the following day. We are going to be parents soon! What a surprise, mixed with both excitement and nervousness.
For the next 48 hours, we are frantically doing what most parents will do in the 9 months of preparation – from determining a name for the child, all the way to learning how to bath the child. We were fortunate to have colleagues and friends like Melvin & Jolene who help us to get the required items for the new born child. Even the name of the child was given by a colleague of Mary, which we felt were appropriate for the baby. Within 48 hours, we manage to get all the required items to welcome the child to our family.
The day before we bring our son home, we finally have a chance to see him. He is tanned and tiny, he has a nice almond eye. He is so adorable. We call him Jaydon. We learn from nurses how to care for him as well as to feed him.Mary tried to feed little Jaydon for the first time. Thank God for the nurses in the nursary who patiently guide us on feed and cleaning little Jaydon. At around 3pm, we say goodbye to Jaydon and whisper to him, promising him that we will bring him home the next day after we have prepared the place for him. After departing from the hospital, we went to the lawyer office to get some of the paper work done. We met up with Jolene & Melvin (together with their little girl), who kindly help us to shop with us for the neccessary items for little Jaydon. They are great help to us, advising us on the things to get as well as helping us to gather some items for little Jaydon. With their help, we are ready to welcome little Jaydon home on the next day.
In the next morning, the day that we are suppose to fetch Jaydon back, we went to the hospital early to attend a workshop on bathing babies. After the workshop, we went to the nursary to visit Jaydon. The second day seeing him, We felt so fortunate to have him. After our last coaching by the nurse on feeding him and completing some paper work, we were on our way in discharing Jaydon and bringing him home.
When we reached home and when mom saw Jaydon, she smiled and was happy for her new grandson. My heart was at rest, when I see how mom started to carry little Jaydon and feeding him for the first time. My mom talk to little Jaydon a lot and she love him. I am glad that my family could provide the love to Jaydon and we are committed in bring Jaydon up as a fine man!